An Emotional Day

Today, my baby girl started PreK.

I couldn't sleep at all last night. I tossed and turned because I was anxious/worried/excited/happy/sad all rolled in one.

I woke up at the crack of dawn (which in my book, starts at 6:30am), drank some coffee, enjoyed the little bit of silence before alarms start to go off or kids start to wake up. 

And while I had my coffee, I just thought about how fast Kenzie has grown up. 

Barely four years ago, she was an infant. 

And she was the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. She was perfect. 

Ya'll, she slept ALL NIGHT from the time she was a week old! 

Then she was one. 

And waddling around the house in her pajamas screaming ELMO and WOW WOW! And singing Knocking on Heaven's Door.

Then she was two. 

 And had just become a big sister. And was such a wonderful big sister and helper to mommy. And potty trained herself practically in a week. And finally started to get some hair lol.

Then she was three. 

 And she was so smart, she amazed me every day with something new. (She still does)! And she learned to write her letters of the alphabet. And she could dress herself....not that she would always match lol, but she tried!

And now she's four. 

 And she's in school. With other children and teachers and not ME. My baby girl is spreading her wings in life and this Mama bird is going to have to let it happen. 

I want her to enjoy her time at school with her friends, but I still want to hold her hand and kiss her head and tell her I love her. But for seven hours out of the day, I won't be able to do that.

I held it together this morning as her father and I dropped her off for her first half day. I got a little sad while she was gone but I tried to keep myself busy to keep from thinking about it. And I was so excited to hear all about her day when I picked her up at 11am.

But tonight, as I went into her room and saw her sleeping, she looked like that tiny baby again and I got this knot in my throat. To me, she will always be my baby. My sweet little princess who has dreams bigger than the moon. But now, I have to stand in the shadows to let her shine. To let her live her life. To figure out where she belongs in this world. Because from here on out, school is going to be a huge part of her little life.

I hope she stands up for what is right.

I hope she lifts other people's spirits when they are sad and in need of a friend.

I hope she is an example to her friends and classmates.

I hope she continues to love learning.

I hope she remains true to herself.

I hope she follows her heart and dreams.

Kenzie Lane Loeffel may just be another child to those who haven't been blessed to meet her yet, but to me, she's the brightest star in the galaxy who was sent to this Earth for something special. She was sent from God as a gift to me. 

And I am able to have hopes for her, because SHE gave me hope.