He makes me better.

As I've said before, my husband is my best friend and he knows me better than I know myself sometimes. We complete each other. [insert cheesy remark here lol]. We've made each other better people and he made me a Mom to two BEAUTIFUL babies, and there's no one in this world who can replace him.

I get so stressed out ya'll. Like, I can't handle the smallest things sometimes. I get pissed off at the world and I don't know how to control it. I just want to melt away in a corner until someone rescues me. And that someone is almost always Doug.

Like yesterday. Oh, yesterday.

I'm SO glad it's over.

I had men at the house ALL. DAY. LONG. trying to fix our floor heater. For the second winter now.

The kids were extra whiney and annoyed each other to no end.

The heater people didn't even leave until ten minutes before I needed to leave for class. Therefore, my hair was on top of my head and I felt like a hot mess.

My class last night didn't get out until 9:30pm. And almost everyone in my class was driving me crazy.

THEN I had to come home and do a Pre-Cal test online that was due before midnight.

But when I walked in the door last night, I saw this:

 I almost cried.

The note says, "Got you a few of your fav things to help wind down from a stressful day. You're still my hero. Love you, Doug."

And it was like the storm cloud drifted away. 

I smiled SO big and ran in the living room to hug him and tell him I loved him.

For some people, it's just a Dr. Pepper and some snack food. But to me, it's the thought that counted. He wanted to make my day better by buying me a few things that he knew I loved. 

That is why I love him.

I love him because he still loves me even when I'm going crazy.

Regret getting married so young?

The other day in class I was asked by a girl I barely know if I regretted getting married so young. Well my first thought was to tell her to mind her own business. But then I started to think. Did I regret getting married at 19?

Today is my five year anniversary with my one and only husband. I'm 24 years old, so yes, that puts me at becoming a wife at the ripe age of 19. 

And while some people may look upon this as "regretful", I do not. 

The way I look at it, I'm blessed to marry so young.

I get to live with my best friend longer than most people.

I appreciate everything we have, because we started with nothing.

I get to grow up with him AND grow old with him.

We get to be kids WITH our kids. We can laugh about silly stuff, dance around the house in a Hulk mask, and watch Disney movies without thinking twice about it.

I don't have to worry about impressing "some guy" anymore because I've found the one who loves me best in sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt.

Even though we started from the bottom, we are gradually making our way to the top with support from each other and hard work.

Since we got married young, we were able to grow from each other. We didn't have much time to ourselves so we never became selfish people. That made it easier to live with each other.

Although we did have a child together before marriage, being young makes a world of a difference when it comes to keeping up with kids. But that's a whole other blog post ;)

My husband is my best friend. I couldn't ask for better. He knows me better than I know myself. He always stands by my side and always has my back. We put each other first.

So to answer my first question: Did I regret getting married at 19? The answer is no. Forever no.

We've worked hard to become the people we are today, and I'm so blessed to spend the rest of my life with my husband and the father of my children.

A Poem for my Children.

I've heard your heartbeat, in sync with mine. 

I've felt you kick inside me numerous times.

I dreamt of your face; how beautiful it would be.

And I fell instantly in love, when they placed you on me.

You are my angel sent from heaven. My child. My world.

A new beginning of life, mine + yours, unfurled.

From tiny toes, to late night cries.

To runny noses and shoes that tie.

I've watched you grow. I watched you learn.

I've rocked you to sleep and I've looked at you stern.

I pray for you daily. I pray I'm raising you right.

Because sometimes being a Mother keeps me up at night.

I worry about your life. I worry about who you'll be.

I worry that somebody else could do this better than me.

But I know God sent you to be my child.

He knew that I needed an angel. So he sent you. And He smiled.

Because He knew I could be strong and do the best I can.

He knew I was up for the task that I did not plan.

I never imagined I could be who I am today.

I am your mother. You are my child. And no one can take that away. 

An Emotional Day

Today, my baby girl started PreK.

I couldn't sleep at all last night. I tossed and turned because I was anxious/worried/excited/happy/sad all rolled in one.

I woke up at the crack of dawn (which in my book, starts at 6:30am), drank some coffee, enjoyed the little bit of silence before alarms start to go off or kids start to wake up. 

And while I had my coffee, I just thought about how fast Kenzie has grown up. 

Barely four years ago, she was an infant. 

And she was the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. She was perfect. 

Ya'll, she slept ALL NIGHT from the time she was a week old! 

Then she was one. 

And waddling around the house in her pajamas screaming ELMO and WOW WOW! And singing Knocking on Heaven's Door.

Then she was two. 

 And had just become a big sister. And was such a wonderful big sister and helper to mommy. And potty trained herself practically in a week. And finally started to get some hair lol.

Then she was three. 

 And she was so smart, she amazed me every day with something new. (She still does)! And she learned to write her letters of the alphabet. And she could dress herself....not that she would always match lol, but she tried!

And now she's four. 

 And she's in school. With other children and teachers and not ME. My baby girl is spreading her wings in life and this Mama bird is going to have to let it happen. 

I want her to enjoy her time at school with her friends, but I still want to hold her hand and kiss her head and tell her I love her. But for seven hours out of the day, I won't be able to do that.

I held it together this morning as her father and I dropped her off for her first half day. I got a little sad while she was gone but I tried to keep myself busy to keep from thinking about it. And I was so excited to hear all about her day when I picked her up at 11am.

But tonight, as I went into her room and saw her sleeping, she looked like that tiny baby again and I got this knot in my throat. To me, she will always be my baby. My sweet little princess who has dreams bigger than the moon. But now, I have to stand in the shadows to let her shine. To let her live her life. To figure out where she belongs in this world. Because from here on out, school is going to be a huge part of her little life.

I hope she stands up for what is right.

I hope she lifts other people's spirits when they are sad and in need of a friend.

I hope she is an example to her friends and classmates.

I hope she continues to love learning.

I hope she remains true to herself.

I hope she follows her heart and dreams.

Kenzie Lane Loeffel may just be another child to those who haven't been blessed to meet her yet, but to me, she's the brightest star in the galaxy who was sent to this Earth for something special. She was sent from God as a gift to me. 

And I am able to have hopes for her, because SHE gave me hope.

Positive:)

I've come to realize that life isn't about what you have or don't have. It's who you share it with and how you feel about it. I don't need a mansion or a fancy car to be happy. I need love. I don't need to make $200,000 a year to be happy. I need to laugh and be silly with my kids. I don't need brand name clothes or purses. I need to fall asleep cuddling with my husband.
Life doesn't always work out the way you want it to, but it works out the way it SHOULD. God has a plan for everyone, even before we were born. The life we live now, has more purpose and meaning than we think it does.
I've begun to change a little. I'm more positive about things. And I'm realizing, the more positive I am and the more I pray, better things come.

My new motto