Frustrated. {Weight Loss Journey}

I’m just blah right now. I’ve eaten crappy for the past week and I HATE how that makes me feel. It’s my fault I guess, but there really wasn’t much else to cook/eat in the house.

I’m also frustrated because I feel so overwhelmed and alone through this weight loss journey of mine. I feel overwhelmed because there is just so much out there in the “Eating Clean” world and I don’t even know where to start. Also, I don’t like spending hours in the kitchen cooking up meals. Easy is better for my life right now. I know that in order to eat healthy, I need to plan things out, which is fine by me because I’m a list maker & organizer. I just need help getting started.

I feel alone through this journey because everyone around me eats what they want. We’re Southern. We like fried stuff and sweet tea and pie. I know everyone supports me and my journey to become healthy, but I still feel trapped. Like what do I do at a get-together? I’m like the only one who eats salad, so I know there won’t be any of that. I feel stupid eating before we go somewhere. Plus, I LOVE food. It’s hard for me to turn down chips & dip or a hot dog or a cupcake at my kid’s birthday party. My husband is doing this journey with me, but he’s not doing it like I want to be doing it. He makes it really hard to diet. He doesn’t like super healthy stuff. Not all the time. And the kids won’t eat spinach or most vegetables. We can’t afford to cook different foods for everyone at each meal. So I feel like I have to just give up trying to eat "clean". I feel if I can’t do this the way I want to do it, what’s the point?

I also have back problems since giving birth, so I can’t do hard core exercises. I really injured it last time I did 30 Day Shred. We live in the country so I don’t have a neighborhood to walk around in. Our local park is all the way on the other side of town, so there’s a ton of gas I’d have to use to drive to the walking track. I don’t know what to do.
I need a support team. I need a walking partner. I need to get more organized. I just feel hopeless in this journey right now.

We bought Wii Fit and will be starting that today. It's low impact so I don't think I will see results super fast, but at least it won't send me to the doctor in pain again. I just have to stick with it.

I was doing so good when we first decided to get healthy. I lost 5 pounds by counting calories and drinking more water. But I swear, I eat one wrong thing and I’ve gained 2 pounds back. That’s my life ya’ll. I’ve struggled with weight as long as I can remember. The only time I was in shape and healthy was my Junior year in high school.

So there’s all my frustrations laid out. *sigh* Am I crazy for getting stressed?

If you have any pointers or tips or questions or whatever, email me! I would love to hear success stories or motivational tips or anything you got!

Love YOU.

I write this post to tell you all how beautiful YOU are, regardless of what you may think or what other people may say.

 I'm also writing this for myself. And for my daughter. 

Because we are living in a cruel, vicious world where a size 8 is fat but a size zero is sickly.

The scale is our enemy.

Food is our weakness.

Society is the devil.

Your body is your own. No one else has one just like you.

MY body is my own. And it's the only one I will ever have.

So why do I hate it so much?

Why do we give ourselves so much grief over a number on a scale or the size of our jeans?

Guess what?

I'm fat.

I'm 5'6" and I weight 220 pounds.
I wear a size 16.

 I have stretch marks on my stomach and boobs.

I have love handles.

I have two chins sometimes.

My stomach looks like an 80 year old woman's stomach.

My boobs aren't perky anymore.

My thighs have cellulite.

But you know what else?

I'm HAPPY.

I'm happy with my life.
I consider myself to be pretty awesome.

I love food and wine and cooking and baking.

My husband still loves me the same as he did when I was a size 9.

My children think I'm beautiful.

My family loves me.
My friends don't judge me.

I know that I will never ever have the same body I did before I gave birth.

But from my "not-so-perky" boobs, came milk to feed my children.

From my larger hips, I was able to push out two babies.

From my stretch marks, I let my body grow and stretch in order to hold and carry healthy babies to full term.

My body was their home.

  And for this sacrifice, I gave life to two precious children. 

 

So from this day forward, I will be happy with myself.

And you will be, too.

You are beautiful in your skin.

I hope to raise my daughter to be so self confident, that she will never compare herself to others.

Because I know for a fact, my Kenzie is perfect just the way she is.

And I'm sure my Momma and Daddy wanted the same thing for me.

I just wish I would have realized that before now.

So here's to a new beginning.

 I'm not going to focus on losing weight anymore, or trying to be "tiny" like I thought I wanted.

I'm going to focus on living healthier.

But I will STILL eat that damn piece of chocolate cupcake if I want.

Will YOU choose happiness?

Giving up sounds easiest.

Super personal blog post alert.

I'm so sick of school. I hate school. HATE it. 

And do you know what I'm going to school for? 

A teacher.

yeah.

I can't concentrate.

I literally do NOT understand Algebra.

I can't seem to balance being a mom, a wife, cooking dinners, keeping a clean house, and all that jazz PLUS school work.

I just can't.

And it's only because I really hate it.

I feel like such a loser.

I'm almost 24 years old with no degree, no job, nothing.

If it wasn't for my husband who cares so much for his family, I guess I'd be hookin' in the streets.

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I can't really see myself being a teacher. 

I can't do anything medical because I pass out at the sight of blood.

I have no clue.

And most of the time, I feel like the only reason I'm going back to school is to please my family. To get them off my back.

I feel like an outsider.

A loser.

A total mess up.

I would love to own my own coffee shop/bookstore.

But that will probably never happen.

It takes money to make money, right?

What am I doing with my life?

I see all my friends who I graduated high school with who have these really awesome degrees and jobs that they love.

And I'm just here, sitting on my couch, blogging.

I'm like in super shut down mode right now.

I'm going to talk to my Advisor soon about what I can do to graduate the quickest.

I can't handle school.

So, to any family members who will read this, I'm sorry. But yes, this is me giving up, because it wasn't what I wanted to do in the first place.