April 20, 2012

Things No One Told Me....

The things no one told me about:
Being A Mother.

1. You will never again have nice things for your home until your children are either A) out of their "destroy all the things" phase, or B) moved out for college. And since we haven't reached point A or B, I can not have nice decorative things in my house. Also, I've come to the conclusion that as SOON as my children move out, I am buying a new couch and loveseat and relishing in the fact that it will not be pooped or peed on, or have juice spilled on it from a "spill proof" sippy cup, or have to find hidden "treasures" inside the cushions. I might not even let anyone sit on them.

2. Toys and imagination are a thing of the past. Or at least for my kids. They are SO hard to keep entertained. Especially my daughter. She actually told me the other day that she didn't care if I got rid of ALL of her toys. I explained that she wouldn't be getting any more if we did that. "Oh, I don't mind." Yeah, she said that. She begs me to go outside and as soon as we get out there, she just wants to sit down. I swear she is bi-polar. Or ADHD. Or possibly.....just a three year old lol.

3. Being a stay at home mom (SAHM) is NOT what it's choked up to be. Especially if you're broke lol. Then you have to be extra creative to keep the kids entertained. (Thank you Pinterest!) But most of the time you sit around being jealous of all the working moms who, however, are sitting at work being jealous of you. It's a never-ending cycle.

4. You won't ever be able to watch a movie about kidnapping, death of a child, or abuse of a child. I mean, those are easy scenarios to stomach anyways, but once you have kids, all those characters in the movies become YOUR kids.

5. When your kids are babies, you wish they could talk to you. When they grow up, you wish they would shut up. At least for a full 5 minutes lol. I promise you, Kenzie asks an average of 849320483257 questions a day, along with Tucker's "What's that?" which occur on the same object at least 6 times before I give up.

  • Kenzie - "Momma, why are you looking out the window?"
  • Tucker -  "What's that?" Me - "Sunglasses."
  • Kenzie - "What did you say we were gonna do today?"
  • Tucker - "What's that?" Me - "Sunglasses."
  • Kenzie - "Can I have something to drink?"
  • Tucker - "What's that?" Me - "Sunglasses, Tucker."
  • Kenzie - "Is it daytime?"
  • Tucker - "What's that?" Me- ............
The above conversation actually occurred.

 6. Running errands is no longer a quick task. You can never ever again just hop in the car and go somewhere. You have to dress everyone, pack diapers, buckle each child in their carseats, listen to them fight about who has what in the backseat, get to your destination, unbuckle each child, keep up with each child (this is an important step lol), smile politely at the strangers your children are YELLING hello to, go back to the car, buckle the children again, think about just driving yourself to the mental hospital, getting them back out of the car and into the house, and collapsing on the couch asking yourself why people actually plan to have children. Now, picture doing all of that in. the. rain.

7. Cute clothes are a waste of money. Why? Because they are the only clothing your child will ruin. You can buy them the cheapest clothes ever and you will never see a stain on them. But you buy a $30 outfit from a boutique then grape juice, mud, or spaghetti sauce will instantly appear the first time they wear them. It's like a scientific law or something. Newton's law of Just Dress Your Kids Like Hobos.

8. Going to the bathroom alone is your little piece of heaven. No more needs to be said on that.

9. Nothing you do will equal to what their grandparents do. But, I can't argue with this Gran was the best:)

10. And finally, being a mother is the greatest blessing you will ever receive. Even though some days you want to run away or become an alcoholic, at the end of the day, when you go to check on your sleeping children in their beds, and you see their sweet, beautiful, peaceful faces, you remember all the joy that comes from them. And you thank God every night.