September 7, 2011


Lately, I have had no energy. I feel like crap. All I want to do is sleep.

I haven’t done the dishes or laundry in about a week now. I don’t want to do anything. I’m tired.

I’m tired of feeling like everything (besides the bills) is on me. 

I’m tired of being tired. A 22 year old woman should not feel this way.

And even sometimes, when I am trying to sleep because I’m so tired, I can’t. My mind won’t let me. And it’s getting really old.

I’ve been putting off making a doctor’s appointment because I didn’t want to be “that” type of person. Someone who can’t take care of herself or her house or her kids.

I don’t want to have to rely on medicine to make me happy.

I hate asking for help.  I feel that if I have kids, then they are MY responsibility. That even if I am on my death bed, I have to take care of them. I feel that if I ask for help, I am incapable of being a good mother.
And that is my biggest fear: being a bad mom.

I want everything for my children. I want them to great life. I want them to make the right choices in life, better than I did.

I don’t hate my life. 

Even though sometimes I feel like I’m living my life on repeat; the same routine every. single. day.  Some days I just want to pack up and take a mini vacation, but I know that’s not possible right now. 

I don’t live a home with my parents. I have a husband who takes the financial responsibility. So I don’t always get what I want. And that’s okay with me. I would rather work for what I get, then be given to me all the time.

I think sometimes I’m just not the same person I used to be. I want to be. I’m just not.


Heidi said...

Everyone has moments and times that make them feel BLAH! Never let them put you on meds if you can talk to someone and talk it out. Sometimes all you need is a nonbiased person to talk to and get everything out to.

Heather said...

asking for help doesn't make you a bad mom. it means that you care enough about your children to set aside to take care of yourself. bettering yourself means you are happy, rested and able to take care of your children the way you really want to. I am blessed to have family that can help out when we need it (or even when we dont need it and they just want to help). It seems like your business is doing well. Just keep working hard and it will pay off. Before you know it you will have the financial freedom that you have been longing for. It's a long hard road and some are harder than others but you have kids and a husband that love you and you will make it

Anonymous said...

I friggin' wrote a super long comment that was all lovey dovey and it didn't friggin' post!!! UGH!!! I love you! -Raven

Mrs. Pancakes said...

sending you positive thoughts through the sounds like you have a wonderful husband that loves you. and your business plans seems to be taking shape. i think change is hard sometimes but in due time you will come into your own. hope that sooner rather than later you will feel better.