October 24, 2012

Giving up sounds easiest.

Super personal blog post alert.

I'm so sick of school. I hate school. HATE it. 
And do you know what I'm going to school for? 
A teacher.


I can't concentrate.
I literally do NOT understand Algebra.
I can't seem to balance being a mom, a wife, cooking dinners, keeping a clean house, and all that jazz PLUS school work.
I just can't.
And it's only because I really hate it.

I feel like such a loser.
I'm almost 24 years old with no degree, no job, nothing.
If it wasn't for my husband who cares so much for his family, I guess I'd be hookin' in the streets.

I can't really see myself being a teacher. 
I can't do anything medical because I pass out at the sight of blood.
I have no clue.

And most of the time, I feel like the only reason I'm going back to school is to please my family. To get them off my back.
I feel like an outsider.
A loser.
A total mess up.

I would love to own my own coffee shop/bookstore.
But that will probably never happen.
It takes money to make money, right?

What am I doing with my life?
I see all my friends who I graduated high school with who have these really awesome degrees and jobs that they love.
And I'm just here, sitting on my couch, blogging.

I'm like in super shut down mode right now.

I'm going to talk to my Advisor soon about what I can do to graduate the quickest.
I can't handle school.

So, to any family members who will read this, I'm sorry. But yes, this is me giving up, because it wasn't what I wanted to do in the first place.


Megan Cavanagh said...

You're not alone in not knowing what you want to do with your life! I'm 23 and also have no idea!

Kim Orpin said...

I wish I could be that person to be like "no! don't give up! you can do it!", but unfortunately, I am in that EXACT same position right now. I mean, I know what I want to do, but school just feels so pointless. Everyone wants me to just finish school, but I just don't feel like I can handle it anymore. I'm not even a mom, so I am so impressed that you are even attempting to balance everything right now. If you need to talk, I'm just an email away!

Nicole Calvert said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am 1 sememster from graduating with no motivation to finish and no career options with my degree. I am over it. I am exhausted. So don't be too hard on yourself. And certainly don't compare yourself to anyone else...just do the best you can do and be proud. That's what I have to tell myself.

Anonymous said...

I'm not a mom but I completely understand how you feel. There are many moments in nursing school that I feel like I just can't do it anymore. The only thing I can tell you is to talk to your advisor.

I think you have too much on your plate. Maybe you could sit down with your husband and talk about some household things you could delegate to him? Sometimes, you just have to give up something every once in awhile.

Anonymous said...

I am in my third year of teaching high school Spanish, but I have felt this way before, too. While in college, I was busy, frustrated, and I HATED the thought of teaching and I hated the college of education. I just did it because I got too lazy to take the LSAT like I had planned and I was going into Spanish anyway and my mom convinced me I needed the education part of the degree, too, to fall back on. I almost dropped out of college while studying education because I thought it was so ridiculous. Even when I graduated from college with a degree in Spanish Education, I said "I WILL NEVER BE A TEACHER." That summer I got married and my husband deployed to Afghanistan. I was on my way to move to North Carolina to wait for him where he was stationed until he got back from deployment when I got a call to interview at a high school in KY where I was from. I did not want the job. I did not want to be a teacher, and I wanted to go to NC to make a home for my husband when he got back. But I knew he was planning to get out of the Marine Corps and would eventually be back in KY so I thought I'd at least go to the interview. I prayed I wouldn't get the job. I didn't want it. Then I got the job. And I took it. I don't even know why. On my first day it was like I was being slapped in the face with "HEY, THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE." Since then I haven't looked back and I absolutely love my job. It's stressful, and frustrating, but I love it. The point of this long book I wrote it: you don't have to give up; it won't always be this frustrating. Sometimes you don't know what you want until you have it. Then again, it may not be for you. Just don't get too frustrated that you don't know yet. Just persevere. Sorry this was so long and hope everything works out.

SarahJane Miller said...

Kuddos to you for putting this out there. You definitely need to do what you love and what is best for you... so if teaching isn't for you.. THAT IS OKAY! I hope you find something you want to do soon :)

I just found your cute blog through the giveaway! I am your newest follower. Would love for you to stop by sometime and follow along if you'd like :)