September 25, 2013

Real Talk, with coffee.

If you were at my house this morning, I would offer you a cup (or two) of coffee and we would talk.

I would apologize about the way I look. I haven't showered since Monday and my hair hasn't been washed since Saturday night. I would also apologize for not wearing a bra. Or anything but my pajamas.

I would apologize about the house. There are blankets thrown all over the living room floor. I haven't vacuumed in a couple of days. There are piles of clothes in corners of the house that need to be put away. The laundry room/my bedroom/and the bathroom hamper are filled with clothes that need to be washed.

And if I'm being honest here, I haven't even cooked a meal in about a week. We've either grabbed something to eat in town or I've warmed up Spaghetti-O's. #Momoftheyear

I haven't done any observations at the Preschool this week because almost everyone in this house has been sick. Doug had a stomach bug Sunday. I had it that night, which equals barely any sleep. Tucker started running a fever yesterday and got up a few times last night.

I'm tired ya'll. I'm physically and mentally drained from all energy. Yesterday I cried because I literally sat in front of my laptop at the kitchen table for 8 hours. I'm not even kidding. I was just catching up on assignments + taking a math quiz (which I failed), and taking notes. I cried because I was tired. I cried because I felt like I was neglecting my kids, even though I kept giving them activities to do. I cried because that was the only thing that felt right. I literally thought I was going to pass out from just being so tired and stressed.

Yesterday, I couldn't even remember if I had eaten lunch.

And I'm telling you all this, not to "get attention" or whatever. I just like to keep it real.

I could literally bonk myself in the head for quitting college when I got pregnant with Kenzie. I didn't listen to anyone who said going back to school would be hard when you had a child. But silly me waited until I had TWO kids to go back to school.

I know this will all pay off in the long run. I know I will be so proud of myself for graduating with a degree. I know I will jump for joy when I finally get a good paying job in a career that I love. But right now, I'm just trying to figure out how to balance being a wife/mother/student/housekeeper.

And it's weird. Some days, I'm really on top of my game. The house is spotless, my homework is finished by noon, and everyone is happy happy happy. But then there are days (or weeks, in this case) where I just feel like I'm failing. I feel like I'm failing myself, my kids, my husband, and my friends/family. I'm not taking care of myself like I should, and I think that's the problem. I need to take time for myself, but I don't HAVE time. And even if I did have time, I wouldn't have time BY myself. My kids, who I love more than this whole world, are always with me. 24/7.

This weekend is my anniversary, so I'm hoping I get a break. I think a mini getaway is just what I need.

Tennessee Honey

1 comment:

Jen said...

Going back to school is hard without kids, I can't imagine with. You are a rockstar! :)