I read something on Facebook the other day that really had me thinking. It had me thinking about how others saw me as a mother. And it sort of scared me.
Now normally, I'm not one to care what others think of me. Actually, I DON'T care what other people think of me as a person, but as a mother? That's totally different.
And here's where my concerns lie.
To the people behind me in the checkout line, staring at me and my two year old son who's literally dragging his legs and crying because I said he couldn't get the candy as I'm trying to pull him away to pay for our things with tears in my eyes because I'm just frustrated and feeling alone: What kind of mother do YOU see me as?
To the people who hear me quietly say to my children that if they walk away from me one more time or pull something else off the shelf in the store that they are going to get a spanking: What kind of mother do YOU see me as?
To the people who realize I had my first child at the age of 19, and my second at age 21: What kind of mother do YOU see me as?
To the nurses in the hospital room who see me burst into tears just from utter exhaustion after telling me that my two year old son needs to stay still to keep his oxygen levels up: What kind of mother do YOU see me as?
To my friends and family who see how stressed I get after a long day of tantrums and back talking and just plain aggravation: What kind of mother do YOU see me as?
I really want to think that the people who see me (and my kids) at my worst, can still see how much I love my babies. I hope they can see through my messy hair, ugly "mom" clothes, and tired eyes, and see that I'm trying my best. I hope they can understand that raising children is the hardest job in the whole Earth and Mothers are the most under appreciated beings.
I can't even explain to you how it feels to be a mother. It's fun. It's horrible. It's not glamorous. It's breath taking. It's pure. It's magical. It's stressful. It's crazy. It's love.
Most say pregnancy is hard. But oh my goodness, being pregnant is just the icing on the cake. Even labor doesn't top the hardest part about being a mother. It's the actual raising of the children that can just down right bring you to tears.
I'm scared to death of being a mother, but it's a little late for that.
I just pray I can raise my children to be wonderful, loving, funny, caring, smart individuals. And I hope the world can see that that's what I'm trying to do.