Pages

February 20, 2011

boo for me. :(

It sucks that my self confidence does not even exist anymore. It's to the point where I can't even have fun. When I get all "dolled" up to go somewhere, I feel really pretty. And then, when I see someone who is prettier or skinnier than me, I just sink a little lower inside. I want my body back. But more importantly, I want my self confidence back. I want to feel the way I felt when I was 18. I want to walk in a room and own it. I want to meet new people without being jealous. I want to shop where I want to shop. I want my clothes to look good on me. I want to feel comfortable in a bathing suit. I want my belly button ring back. I want to dance like no one is watching on the dance floor. I want to sing my heart out on stage. I want to walk down the street and not worry if people are making fun of the way I look. I want to not even worry what people think of me. I want. I want. I want.

ugh.

4 comments:

Erin said...

Baby girl, self confidence comes from within and not even what's on the outside. You should want all these things for your health and that is it! Not that I think you are unhealthy at all, because I was not aware that you were any different that what you used to be. I haven't known you long enough to know that and I think that you are absolutely beautiful. I actually remember thinking that when I met you. You are a gorgeous, smart, funny, and kind mother and wife. I had to stop worrying about what other people thought a long time ago. It does nothing but eat you up inside. You only have one life and you can not come back and do it again so make the best of it and live for you and that family. If you are unhappy with something change it for you and not for anything else. There is nothing more attractive than a confident woman! I can promise you that! But like I said I can totally relate to the way you feel, because I have felt that way numerous times in my life. But you just gotta own your own piece of the room sometimes. I had to start telling myself that there will always be someone prettier or skinnier but no one is perfect and that person has something wrong with her somewhere I can promise you! She may have a perfect body but has no personality and if that is what someone wants then that is shallow and I wouldn't waste my time, male or female! Just keep your head up and thank god for the things that are "perfect" in your life! The ones that matter don't mind, and the ones that mind don't matter, always remember that!!

mitzi said...

Lauren....you are beautiful! You are blessed with two adorable children and a husband who loves you and your children. You need to realize the inside is what counts. Your outer beauty can be pretty but the heart is what matters. I would encourage you to do it for you not for what others think. A beautiful face, smile and good attitude is far more prettier than a good body. You smile and keep on moving girl. Just a word of encouragement... love you, Mitzi

Lauren said...

thanks ya'll. Those were really sweet words of advice:) Makes me feel a little better! I know its petty to dwell on things like that, but I'm just not used to feeling this way. But I AM doing something about it!! :) Go me! lol

Heather said...

Lauren, you are beautiful. You personality helps out, You are one of the lucky ones. You HAVE the confidence to own a room and not care what everyone else thinks. Being skinny isn't all its cracked up to be. Trust me, i know. Raven and I are going to start working out together. You are more than welcome to join us on the days that you aren't working!