February 11, 2011

Home is where the heart is

I'm SO glad and thankful to be home today! After spending 2 nights in the hospital with little man, my couch has never felt so good:)

My poor man and his hospital bracelet:(

The hubby and I were supposed to do our Valentine's date night tonight but I wanted to stay with the kiddos since I haven't seen Kenzie in 2 days and my Tucker man still isn't fully himself. So instead, he picked up Dominoe's and some Valentine cookies and we caught up on some DVR's of American Idol. And that was just all right with me:) Tucker has to take breathing treatments for a week. The breathing machine they gave us is a firetruck! Its so cool! Kenzie thought it was a toy lol. I'm hoping Tucker gets back to himself soon. It breaks my heart for him to be sick! Poor thing has gone through so much in his short little life. At 6 weeks old, he had to be hospitalized for 3 days for a high fever. He had to have a spinal tap done and two catheters :( Then, when he was 4 months old, he started to have weird "spells", which was diagnosed as Complex Partial Seizures. Last Saturday, he had a General Seizure (like a Grand Mal). So he takes medicine twice a day for the seizures. He will probably have to take the medicine for 2 years. We are taking him to LeBonhuer in Memphis for tests. He gets an MRI done Feb. 22nd. I'm hoping we can finally get some answers as to why he is having the seizures! It scares me not knowing.

When things get tough for me, I kind of just quietly and slowly fall apart. I try to act strong on the outside, but in the inside, I'm breaking down. I tend to think more negatively about things. And I tend to blame myself for unnecessary things; like "well maybe because I did this, I'm being punished through what I love the most in this world: my children." That's why I'm glad I have Doug. He is my shoulder to cry on and to tell me everything will be okay. And when I finally get myself semi-back in order, I remember to pray. I know that should probably be the first thing I do, but for some reason, I just forget. After I pray, I feel better. And then things start to get better. I've lost faith, but I'm finding it again. And I'm praying again.

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